Let me tell you a story about a couple who came to buy a house in the Holy Land and came up against a problem that is causing them much trouble. They almost gave up the idea of the purchase in despair, despite the suitable size of the property, the pleasant neighbors and the excellent location.
The problem that complicates the situation and casts a heavy shadow of distress on the charming couple is in the shape of a storeroom built without a building permit. To pull it down would undoubtedly cost them time and effort, but without it they would be short of vital storage space, especially as this house has no basement. Their friends suggested they give up the idea of the purchase altogether. A house without a basement? Who ever heard of such a thing? The exhausted couple already knows that to find a house with a basement is 'mission impossible' in their new country. What they don't know is that the estate agent has already begun to show the house to other potential buyers, and the sellers, on their part, are considering advertising the property in the local press, after despairing of selling to this couple.
A heavy cloud covers their dealings with the estate agent and the sellers because of that miserable storeroom. Why was this storeroom built illegally, and why was this fact hidden from them before? They cannot understand their lawyer, who has begun to display indifference lately. The female component of this same couple, Rachel, reads these lines in her mother tongue and nods in full agreement.
Your tendency is to give up on all the 'professionals' surrounding you (another nod of agreement). Hmmmm….that's interesting, because that is precisely their inclination towards you. You don't really care, do you? You don't realize yet how serious the whole subject is, but in the community where you are looking to purchase, they are the only ones who can deal with people from your country (Surprise). Quite right, you hold a significant advantage over the local market: you are the only ones who pay full negotiation fees without argument (Astonishment); besides which, you are prepared to pay for this house a higher price than its market value (Great amazement).
Wait…don't answer the phone. This isn't the right time, because you're very angry. Cool down a bit.
I want to broaden your outlook a bit on the subject of the local market, and tell you about houses you may look at in the future (although I'm not sure any remain available in this community), and even about those you have already seen (and didn't know what they were like).
Okay. On the subject of the basement, you've already understood that houses here are built without basements, and that any 'basement' you might see here is illegal, each for a different reason – I guarantee!
Did you know that Danny lives in a house with an unauthorized room? That's not so bad, because Yossi lives in a house that is altogether unauthorized (Some idiotic clown showed you that house, right?). Moshe, on the other hand, lives in an illegal settlement. Mina's house was built in violation of planning and building regulations; Rina's house does not meet with the requirement of civil defense, and her house is not protected against missile attacks, chemical warfare, etc. Zina lives in a tall building that does not have a clearance permit from the fire-fighting authorities (and everybody knows why).
In Ahmed's house, the supporting girders were cast in reverse, and two essential pillars that appear in the plan were left out; at Souhil's they built without any plan at all, a premise that will collapse with the next earthquake; Naveh lives in a house registered as a 'public building', while Samira lives in a house registered as an 'agricultural construction'. Leonid's house is under threat of appropriation, while a demolition order hangs over Claud's house. Boris' house comes with a debt from the previous tenant, while Babushvili's, is stuck with a deed of property on which the name of the previous tenant appears (a fact that will be revealed at the time of his imminent involvement in the previous tenant's debts).
At Vered's there is an acute subsidence of two pillars (the house will behave in the same way as Souhil's during that same impending event), At Milly's you can fill a bathtub with rainwater in the bedroom (wash your hair with it, Milly, it's very healthy). Sarah suffers from bothersome noises, and Dan from odors (a chicken-coop in the center of the city???) (Dan's parents, Zina and Claud, ask if we're talking about the same building, the answer is "Yes". – T.M.).
I detect waves of emotion and excitement amongst our readers in East Asia at the mention of the special name given to Fata-Manga by a monk with piercing eyes and profound insight. Dear Fata-Manga, please resume the name your father of the ancient religion gave you. Perhaps with it you will find a tiny drop of sensitivity.
Okay, Pigeon Head?
I'm right back with you, dear buyer. Do you want to call back whoever it was who called you earlier? Maybe the house has been sold? Or would you rather read calmly to the end of this professional report first?
I didn't mean to get back to Fata-Manga, but some of my readers want to know more about that girl, and claim that "P.H" is definitely a name showing profound insight and I fully agree with them, but Fata-Manga should decide for herself. Other readers are dying to know where Fata-Manga lives. Ah, yes. She lives in a beautiful hangar with Moshe and Scape (pet name for a fighter plane).
I'm still with you, Rachel. The thing which really bothers you right now is the price of the property. You're not prepared to pay 'a single lousy dollar more than the market value'.
Hmmmmm. An interesting desire…Listen, at market value the sellers would rather sell to locals. (Why???That's shocking!!!) Yes, they've already lost a few days of work and will stand to lose more if they sell to you, because of your demands and those of your nitpicking lawyer. I think I can set your mind at rest if I tell you that in three months' time the price you pay today will be 'market value', and in a year's time or less the price you paid will be 'below market value'.
And what if the house has already been sold? This happens. It can certainly happen.
iris bat yael * * * * * * * * * *
